I’m SO, SO sick and tired of hearing about Brett Favre every stinking day. The guy is a diva who can’t bring himself to give up the spotlight for once in his life. I can’t stand him. I desperately want him to just go away and not bother us anymore with his nonsense.
One of my favorite sports bloggers, The Mighty MJD, did a column this week where he examines what would happen if sharks attacked certain NFL players. His look at Brett Favre’s survival tactics is pretty dead on:
Favre’s method of survival would be to disorient the shark by performing a
series of contradictory actions that would drive any onlooker to madness.
Favre is in the ocean, doing a little gunslinging, when all the
Favre: That’s it, I’m getting out of
the ocean. Right now.
Shark: DARN IT, MISSED OPPORTUNITY, I’LL SWIM AWAY NOW
Favre: Ah, you know what, maybe I’ll stay in for a few more minutes. The
water’s really nice today.
Shark: TURNING AROUND NOW, GOING TO EAT HAIRY GUY
Favre: Maybe sitting on the beach with a good book and working on my tan is
a better idea.
Shark: SIGH, HE’S LEAVING AGAIN
Favre: Ah, what the heck, let’s splash around a little bit longer. I’m not going to have this opportunity once the season starts.
Shark: HE’S LIKE A LITTLE KID OUT HERE
Favre: My fingers are starting to wrinkle, though. Maybe it’s time to get out.
Shark: I HATE THIS GUY
Favre: But the saltwater feels oh-so-good. I hear it’s good for your skin, too.
Shark: MAKE YOUR MIND, WIENER
Favre: But there is a tractor pull on ESPN2 coming up in about a half hour. Maybe I should get out now, so I can go watch it.
Shark: SCREW THIS, I’M LEAVING
I can’t wait for this drama to be over. It seems now that Favre will most assuredly come out of his 4 month retirement, but the question is which team will he be on? My opinion is that the Packers should man up, invite him back to camp and tell him he’s the #2 QB behind Rodgers. Period. If Rodgers is knocked out, he’s in. But he’s NOT going to waltz in and snatch back the starting job from someone who’s 9 1/2 months pregnant with the job by now. The Packers have moved on because Favre told them to. He can’t hold it against them now.
And I still have NO DESIRE to see Favre in purple. None whatsoever. Maybe we could sign him and then trade him to Oakland or somewhere. Just keep him away from my team.